Finding True Love

I think I have been pretty unfair to myself when it comes to love. Letting the outlook of my atmosphere determine the true definition of my Lovely Desire.

Love.

I think we need to create a universal understanding when it comes to this idea. An understanding that Love can't be understood an acceptance that Love speaks many languages and many actions, we don't have control over it. 

Control.

The unidentified disease that eats away at our society. Control doesn't just happen externally, you too seek to control the proceeding of your life daily, and if we are truly honest, you will realise that the more you seek to control, the more out of control it seems to become.

For a long time I have been looking, seeking, wishing, aspiring for Love.

 Where is it? Why is it not here yet? 

I've battled with myself in so many ways, danced in the confusion, allowed the confusion to dictate the outcome of my reality. 

It just feels like a never ending cycle of withdrawn action and behaviour. 

The fear of being taken for a ride,  not knowing that, that fear was to cause the reality I so feared to live. 

Being taken for a ride, that ends in a big crash. 

I have been carrying a lot of pain and hurt in my past and present. I want to divorce it.

 I want to marry Love. 

I need to surrender, I need to let go. I need to accept. I need to heal. I need to move on. 

Healing... This word causes a trigger, because its always felt like everytime someone else cuts me, I have to be subjected to putting myself in a cave of defence, and lick my wounds away from the gaze of the people. 

The expectation to keep perfect and intact, even though inside was a grisly mess.

 I have mastered this art since age 6. And now it seems life is calling for me to let these masterings fall away. How?